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Big Foot Accused Of Sexual Assault Of Colorado Man [SATIRE]

Dave Mangels, Getty Images
Dave Mangels, Getty Images

The Glenwood Springs Police Department and the Colorado Parks and Wildlife agency are investigating a reported attack on a man who was attacked by an 8-foot-tall hairy gorilla-likee creature that dropped out of a forest tree, punched him in the face and knocked him out, according to the World News Daily.

When Darryl Whitaker regained consciousness, the creature was stripping off his clothes and underwear.

The alleged Sasquatch, or “Big Foot,” could not be reached for comment. His agent did not return our calls.

Kudos to the World News Daily, that beacon of truth and bastion of journalistic integrity, for scooping the rest of The Fifth Estate on this story of the decade with this story. The World News Daily is probably best known for their great coverage of Bat Boy, who always seems to find himself in precarious situations. And they also have other great interest pieces, such as when Obama banned cows from American cities.

Note: When I went to their site, my web browser plug-in from Web Of Trust popped up a warnings for “Trustworthy and child safety.”

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